siriusly | Deer Country Inbox

... Bad joke. Sorry. I've... been poisoned before. Seen someone get poisoned in front of me. Drinking from containers I haven't seen sealed still makes me a little nervous.

[Magnet gets scritches. What a good boy... he deserves all the pets.]

That's good. I... I'm still working on that. The 'taking care of myself' thing.

[... Obviously.]

[none of the booze seems favorable, so Manabu's just opting to grab hold of a kettle of water and heating it up by hand for tea.

as he does so:] Well, get better at it. You getting messed up or having a hard time doesn't happen in a vacuum in a place like this.

[jeez. he can hear himself and how harsh he sounds and...and he's not crazy about it? but it's also...

it feels like Bruce is with him. talking through him. saying the things he'd said to Manabu again and again as a rookie.

time really has changed him, despite all his efforts to stay true to himself...]

[He winces a little at the bluntness. It's fair, but it's very blunt.]

I know. And I know I hurt the people around me when I don't take care of myself. I'm... going to have to try harder to do that.

[it's good to have his back to him - the chance to try and stamp that anger and unhappiness down to vent later...while using some of it to heat up some tea. by the time leaves have finished steeping, he turns, pushing the cup Nara'a's way.]

I usually...take it bitter. But I have honey if you want.

Honey would be nice. Thank you.

[... He's just tired. He doesn't want to hurt people anymore. He's done enough damage. His hands run through his hair and he sighs.]

You can punch me again, if you want.

[It won't make anything better, but...]

[wearily, as he's turning to find honey:] I don't want to hit you again, Nara'a. I didn't even want to hit you once.

[he turns, setting the honey jar down with a small spoon.]

It's just...the only way I know. To make my feelings clear. Okay?

[Right. Right, okay. He bites back the urge to just tell Manabu to use his damned words - now isn't the time. He just rubs at his jaw and stirs the honey a bit before spooning a bit into the tea.]

Manabu... I know. I just... there's a reason I tried to tell you to stay away. I didn't want to hurt you...

[Manabu leans away, folding his arms and looking toward the door.]

And if I didn't go out there, you'd have hurt someone else. [well, besides Kazuma.] It's not really a question of what to do there, you know?

[He winces, but Manabu's right. Again.]

... You're right. I just... you shouldn't have had to take me out. You're my friend.

But I... understand what you mean. I... would have done the same. Even if it's not the best idea...

No, it is.

[he looks back over, his expression sullen.]

I'd need you to take me out. Because there's no one else I could trust to. Besides you...you and D, really.

[everyone else he would trust to do so is gone now. and he can never ask Ryunosuke or Kazuma or Jun to do such a heinous thing.]

... That's...

[He sighs and nods, rubbing his face. Gods, how many people would he trust to take him out? Not many. He's surprised that Manabu managed it, but... well. He's a good shot. It was probably something like that.]

[He can't remember much anyway. Maybe it's for the best.]

Yeah. D's on my list, too.

[He takes a sip of tea while he thinks.]

Thank you. For being kind, even when it was hard.

[everyone should feel bad for putting D on their "please kill me list" but honestly? D would sign himself up on it anyway. this just erases a step.

Manabu looks away again at the thanks. he'll never be good at gracefully accepting it, even when it's warranted; that's just the kind of guy he is.]

Just... Avoid it at all costs again, okay? That's better than thanks.

I'll do what I can.

[He closes his eyes for a few moments, taking a few deep breaths. It's... frustrating. He can't excuse his behavior, but... mm. He has a lot of people to apologize to.]

... Do you have somewhere to go back to? If you went home, I mean. I know some people don't.

Eh?

[he looks back, blinking. what's this now...?

he hesitates.]

...Mn. My mother's waiting. And my platoon.

I see. I wasn't sure.

I have... a lot of people waiting for me. Relying on me. There's someone I need to rescue... a friend's sister.

I've got family, but they're content to stay where they are. Most Moon Keeper men don't ever go home after they leave, anyway.

[Manabu watches him with a troubled expression, one that grows more sullen as he listens.]

...So...You can't really be spending too much time here. A lot of other people, too. [he looks back toward the window.]

If I knew how...I'd have gotten the SDF here. To connect this world to others', let them go home...

She's been trapped in the Void for thousands of years, but recently she's been having powerful fiends eating her essence.

[Azdaja... she's powerful, but she can only last so long.]

But... it's neither of our faults that we can't get home. We... have to deal with what we've been given. We can only do so much, right?

[his expression tightens a bit.]

If...if the forces-that-be here have no interest in helping, it's on us to figure it out at the end of the day. Somehow. That's why-- [he exhales in a huff, unfolding his arms so he can rub at his brow.] That's why I thought...exploring the wilderness would do something. Mean something. Help us...find something...

[but Manabu lives a short life and big changes take a long time, so his impatience is palpable. it's a good diversion, though: it redirects his frustration with Nara'a's circumstance back into the bigger picture.]

Yeah... I want to know what's out there, too. If they could help us... somehow? It's frustrating to think that we're alone. There's got to be something out there.

I mean I explore in the unknown for fun just because of my nature, but there's got to be something to find. And we have to explore every available option we have.

Mn. Right... [he exhales, posture slumping.] Sooner would be better than later, but the way this place even is makes...makes every inch a struggle.

It does. But we have to take it back, yalm by yalm.

[... Or. Foot? Why is 'foot' a unit of measurement? That's stupid. He's briefly distracted by the thought before he forces himself to focus again.]

You're doing good work, Manabu. I know it's sometimes hard to believe, but you are.

[his expression scrunches, disinclined to accepting thanks or praise. but he doesn't outright dismiss it - it's still comforting to be acknowledged, whether he deserves it or not.]

...Don't let your tea get cold.

... Right.

[He'll just drink his tea quietly and then leave unless Manabu has something else to say.]

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